excited...I think

so I am going on a Date and I think I am excited...I am excited about where the Date is at. What girl wouldn't want to go see Beauty and the Beast off Broadway. but this guy I really hope has grown up since the last time we hung-out. I hope I am not making a huge mistake. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt one of my best friends I am scared that this will cause me to lose one of my best friends...but I guess one could say that would be his own damn fault. Moving on is scary but its needed!
I need a change of scenery. Staying in one place is getting on my nerves!

Thankful in a Valley...

So the past few months have been, well not what I expected. But I still have many things to be thankful for. I have two amazing parents even when they drive me bananas. They love me they take care of me they are want to help me grow into a functional adult. I couldn't ask for two better parents. My mom is one of my best friends and my dad is my hero. Even when we don't see eye to eye I know he will always be there to support me. I have a wonderful sister who is my rock and I would not know what to do without her she doesn't know what she means to me. AND her wonderful husband who is more like a brother than a brother-in-law. I am so glad to have him in our family. My two nephews they are a gift from God and a bright spot in my life. I am thankful that I have a job. I am thankful for my friends and a few who have went above and beyond this year. I am so thankful for Brittany, Kat and Amber those girls make me smile on my worst days. Lee my new brother has also been there and I can't thank him enough.God has blessed me so much.

Teaching is Hard Work!

So I have began to hate special days at school I almost hate having them....Sitting at my desk today making out the calender for Nov. I shuttered a little when I wrote in the Thanksgiving Party. I can imagine them asking "Ms. Ashawee what are you Thankful for" my answer would be the three days off I am about to have!
Today was crazy, I have one kid who just goes crazy some days and then the rest of the kids go crazy with her.
SO tired of all this not this is not what i am suppose to do for the rest of my life!

how did it come to this...

So I don't know why but I find myself always trying to find the next boy to be totally crazy about, when I know that I just need a break from all that craziness...and in that I end up thinking about doing something that would hurt someone else or make me really unhappy. I find myself currently in love with the attention someone gave me. Not that I care at all about that person. Yes I know I sound like a horrible person. But I like the attention for a few days then it was weird...it got on my nerves. Like chill dude I'm not that cool. but its like i don't know where I am going anymore and i am just turning in circles...every week is the same and i am dying here. I need to get out of this house out of this area of the state....maybe even out of the south for awhile!

I Can do all things....

As my lovely sister reminded me yesterday, when Paul wrote "I can do all things through Christ," he was not talking about passing a hard test in school or making a touchdown in the last 5 mins of an important game. Paul was talking about the ups and downs in his life. How he had been beaten and tossed in and out jail. He went through pain and that is what he could do through Christ, we could overcome all the pain and sorrow.
As you all know (or the three of you who currently subscribe) I am hurting right now. I was promised the one thing I had always dreamed about and that was marriage. But I was putting that want and desire before my Jesus. I was wrong in doing that. Neither of us are really ready for the commitment. But neither of us wanted to lose our Best friend. So thankfully Mitch had the courage to hurt me for the better. We are still going to be best friends. We are still talking, it may hurt a little but it would hurt more not talking to him. Now we just have the pressure that we HAVE to talk to each other everynight and that pressure was my fault. But I think this will give us both time to grow up more. We may get back to the kind of relationship we had, or we may not. But in the mean time I am going to relearn how to love Christ with all my heart.
Ash

Dying in Amory

So I remember why now that I have been back in Amory for over a month the reason why I went to school in south MS. I just don't fit in Amory. I miss Hattiesburg so much. I miss getting to see my boyfriend once a week. I miss my church. It seems like all my NE Miss friends ( excluding Brittany) are to busy to even call or text me. I refuse to make the plans and contact anymore.

On a different note I am applying to a lot jobs. Not hearing to much back. Starting to look outside of NE Miss now. I will move if that is what it takes to pay off my student loans at this point.

Ash

Graduate and Jobless!

So, I have been a college graduate for 10 days now. and the job market is crap. Thankfully my student loans have a 6 month grace period. It has been a week since I have seen my boyfriend. But it will be okay I get to talk to him a great deal and I get to see him on June 4th when I go down to the gulf coast for the weddings of two great friends. But in the mean time I am trying to make it look like I really live here and plan on staying. I have too much stuff, all the while trying to put in job apps and sending out resumes whenever I find something I am qualified to do. Just praying for a job at the moment.
ash