Here's my life

I have struggled most of my life with acute axienty and depression. I know this because well I am studying it. It is odd to be in a classroom full of people and next to friends and be reading symptoms and realize that I really do have a problem. But it is also empowering to sit in the same class and learn what I can do the change the way I think. How I see myself.
You see I have never had a great self-image. I have never thought I was pretty. Until one day I looked in the mirror and thought you know you are pretty, and dang it your pretty flipping awesome too. I have some awesome friends and an amazing sister who tell me this but those words from them aren't the ones I have been searching for. It doesn't take to much to guess who I would have rather heard them from. But then when I do here them from guys I still don't believe they are being truthful. I then just tell myself that they are just lying so they can kiss me......well some of them may have just wanted to kiss me. Acutally I am very certain of that.
Know my field of study has mountains of research that would suggest that because I tend to need the company and friendship of males, rather romantic or platonic, I had some sort of father uses. My sister's therapist says our parents were verbally abusive. I don't know. I was always a daddy's girl. Somedays I call my dad just to hear his voice. I remember his relationship being strained with my sister and them fighting a lot, mostly about us having to be "perfect" because we were the preacher's family. By the time I got to High school she had been to therapy once and he had backed off that but I also had learned how to work them. I knew that if I was just really blunt with them they would back off. In High school though I didn't do a whole lot of "bad" things. I waited till college to do anything they would have not so much approved of. Then I was an "adult" and old enough to make my own mistakes. Trust me I have.
I have made more mistakes than I really want to admit to at this point.
(More Later)