Here's my life

I have struggled most of my life with acute axienty and depression. I know this because well I am studying it. It is odd to be in a classroom full of people and next to friends and be reading symptoms and realize that I really do have a problem. But it is also empowering to sit in the same class and learn what I can do the change the way I think. How I see myself.
You see I have never had a great self-image. I have never thought I was pretty. Until one day I looked in the mirror and thought you know you are pretty, and dang it your pretty flipping awesome too. I have some awesome friends and an amazing sister who tell me this but those words from them aren't the ones I have been searching for. It doesn't take to much to guess who I would have rather heard them from. But then when I do here them from guys I still don't believe they are being truthful. I then just tell myself that they are just lying so they can kiss me......well some of them may have just wanted to kiss me. Acutally I am very certain of that.
Know my field of study has mountains of research that would suggest that because I tend to need the company and friendship of males, rather romantic or platonic, I had some sort of father uses. My sister's therapist says our parents were verbally abusive. I don't know. I was always a daddy's girl. Somedays I call my dad just to hear his voice. I remember his relationship being strained with my sister and them fighting a lot, mostly about us having to be "perfect" because we were the preacher's family. By the time I got to High school she had been to therapy once and he had backed off that but I also had learned how to work them. I knew that if I was just really blunt with them they would back off. In High school though I didn't do a whole lot of "bad" things. I waited till college to do anything they would have not so much approved of. Then I was an "adult" and old enough to make my own mistakes. Trust me I have.
I have made more mistakes than I really want to admit to at this point.
(More Later)

So I am a School therapist....wait WHAT!

oh how good and amazing the Lord is,
Sometime in March or April I was sitting in my car getting my oil changed, ( I really miss my oil change place) when my phone rang. It was a lady from Communicare in Oxford asking me for an interview in May. Obiviously I said YES! and got it schuduled for the Monday after I finished my Grad program.
Fast Forward to May. I had my last day of work at BXS on May 16 and walked on May 17 (of course in typical Ashley fashion I had a horrible sinus infection the whole weekend). On the 18th I spent the day going to graduation services with my best friend and sucessfully took photos (really bad photos I might add due to previously stated sickness) with all the graduates that I knew. It was fun and tiring and I fell down not once but twice that day. THEN I drove the 4 hour drive to Batesville to my parents/my new homeish. (we will get to that part.) On Sunday I went to church, went to a retirement luncheon for two of the women who helped shape me to who I am. My first grade teacher, Shirley White, and my Career Discovery teacher, Wanda Gooch. THEN I got to see my house for the first time since my Papaw went to the Nursing Home.
On Monday I interviewed with Communicare, and then went and started cleaning my house. On Tuesday I went BACK to Hattiesburg and cleaned on my apartment some and came back sometime on Wednesday. I was then no longer a resident of Lamar County (though my car tag says other wise :D)
Then the next three weeks I spent cleaning, painting, and talking about floors and furniture with my mom. In conclusion I think I will never try to build my own house. In the middle of all of that I was asked to go on the youth trip. The Friday before we left I got a phone call from Communicare asking me to come in for fingerprinting.
July has been less let say busy, mostly working at Cracker Barrel. I waited and waited and waited for a call back from Communicare. FINALLY I got a letter for a job in Calhoun County in the Bruce School District. SO blessed.
I started today and I am now trying to read the employee manual.
(More on how cool that I am in the SCHOOL system later)