Here's my life

I have struggled most of my life with acute axienty and depression. I know this because well I am studying it. It is odd to be in a classroom full of people and next to friends and be reading symptoms and realize that I really do have a problem. But it is also empowering to sit in the same class and learn what I can do the change the way I think. How I see myself.
You see I have never had a great self-image. I have never thought I was pretty. Until one day I looked in the mirror and thought you know you are pretty, and dang it your pretty flipping awesome too. I have some awesome friends and an amazing sister who tell me this but those words from them aren't the ones I have been searching for. It doesn't take to much to guess who I would have rather heard them from. But then when I do here them from guys I still don't believe they are being truthful. I then just tell myself that they are just lying so they can kiss me......well some of them may have just wanted to kiss me. Acutally I am very certain of that.
Know my field of study has mountains of research that would suggest that because I tend to need the company and friendship of males, rather romantic or platonic, I had some sort of father uses. My sister's therapist says our parents were verbally abusive. I don't know. I was always a daddy's girl. Somedays I call my dad just to hear his voice. I remember his relationship being strained with my sister and them fighting a lot, mostly about us having to be "perfect" because we were the preacher's family. By the time I got to High school she had been to therapy once and he had backed off that but I also had learned how to work them. I knew that if I was just really blunt with them they would back off. In High school though I didn't do a whole lot of "bad" things. I waited till college to do anything they would have not so much approved of. Then I was an "adult" and old enough to make my own mistakes. Trust me I have.
I have made more mistakes than I really want to admit to at this point.
(More Later)

So I am a School therapist....wait WHAT!

oh how good and amazing the Lord is,
Sometime in March or April I was sitting in my car getting my oil changed, ( I really miss my oil change place) when my phone rang. It was a lady from Communicare in Oxford asking me for an interview in May. Obiviously I said YES! and got it schuduled for the Monday after I finished my Grad program.
Fast Forward to May. I had my last day of work at BXS on May 16 and walked on May 17 (of course in typical Ashley fashion I had a horrible sinus infection the whole weekend). On the 18th I spent the day going to graduation services with my best friend and sucessfully took photos (really bad photos I might add due to previously stated sickness) with all the graduates that I knew. It was fun and tiring and I fell down not once but twice that day. THEN I drove the 4 hour drive to Batesville to my parents/my new homeish. (we will get to that part.) On Sunday I went to church, went to a retirement luncheon for two of the women who helped shape me to who I am. My first grade teacher, Shirley White, and my Career Discovery teacher, Wanda Gooch. THEN I got to see my house for the first time since my Papaw went to the Nursing Home.
On Monday I interviewed with Communicare, and then went and started cleaning my house. On Tuesday I went BACK to Hattiesburg and cleaned on my apartment some and came back sometime on Wednesday. I was then no longer a resident of Lamar County (though my car tag says other wise :D)
Then the next three weeks I spent cleaning, painting, and talking about floors and furniture with my mom. In conclusion I think I will never try to build my own house. In the middle of all of that I was asked to go on the youth trip. The Friday before we left I got a phone call from Communicare asking me to come in for fingerprinting.
July has been less let say busy, mostly working at Cracker Barrel. I waited and waited and waited for a call back from Communicare. FINALLY I got a letter for a job in Calhoun County in the Bruce School District. SO blessed.
I started today and I am now trying to read the employee manual.
(More on how cool that I am in the SCHOOL system later)

so much has happened...

Well I was not as prepared for my self challege as I thought and Satan is so ready to tempt...Well December was not a great month, and I have learned I know some really not great guys!

BUT since Dec. 29 I have been kiss free.....

I have only 63 days till I finish my MASTER'S what what! The road that has brought me here has been crazy hard. BUT so grateful for the things that the road has taught me

Humm...What next, what next. STAY TUNED big announcement next month