If things could be going painfully slow, and way to fast all the same time that might explain my world right now.
I am in that werid session of life, that admitedly I have been in for awhile now, but at I approch 27 which is far closer to 30 than 20, is starting to get to me. The season where all your friends are getting married and some of your friends are even having children, or their second child. You congratlate them, you send gifts with your best wishes, you even attend or accept the honor of being in the wedding party. Then late at night it hits you, even though are activily "talking" to someone those things, the wedding, having children, building houses...they aren't in your forseeable future. They might happen in the next three years, maybe, but most likely they won't and you celebrate your 30th birthday doing something really depressing like having yet another Harry Potter viewing party, alone, eating Ben&Jerry's in your comfy pants.
But wait, I sound sad but I have all these accomplishments, I have a Master's, I passed the NCE, I have a great job, I am working toward a National Certification in Tramua Therapy, I am the Director of a Summer Camp, I help with a youth (a lot) and do all these amazing things.
But where is the time for me to met with the Father? When have I blocked that off in my tight daily routine. When do I stop and thank him for all that he has done for me?
If I am being truthful rarely. Rarely do I take the time cultivate my personal relationship, I study for classes I teach, work on next years camp material. But time for me to stop being busy and work on my relationship with the father, well I don't make time for that. Because it is scary, what if he wants me to work on some things in my life, some areas that I keep to myself. So as I keep people out of the hard places, I try to keep the Father out too.
But where do I even start to change? Get in the word, listen to podcast, listen to music. All of these things I do, but what about being still and knowing that he is Lord. Well not sure if I have mastered that skill yet. I am never still I am always doing something. So how can I BE STILL when I have so much of HIS work to do. Camp won't plan itself you know, the lesson doesn't get taught without someone being there. I don't have an answer to this, just a heart cry. Teach my soul and heart to be still and calm.
