Just how it is...

There are times that I wish I could control my thoughts and anxities more. Like today for example. I am worried that two of my best friends in life right now are mad at me but I have no logically reason to think that they are upset with me. Why am I feeling this way, because they have other things to do today and I am not with them. But normally on a Monday I am at work and I should be enjoying the time alone to rest and just relax but NO! not my brain. My brain goes spinning off into many directions that are irrational and just down right not true. I know that these friends are not like my old friends they really do want to be my friend there is no one telling them they have to like me or that they have to be nice to me. Or that they should spend more time with me because I might rub off on them or some Bull shit crap that always got thrown in the faces of so called "friends" I had when I was younger. Yes I did have some good times with the people who were in my life then. But it wasn't a lasting friendship, I wasn't a friendship that I feel like that would even care to let me know how there life was going. Much less care to know how mine might be. But These friends the ones I am sitting here worried about. They will want me to know what is going on in their life. And I will call them and ask HEY what is going on in your life. How are you spirtual and so on....they then will ask the same questions to me. These are those type of friends the ones that stick around through many seasons. So why am I questioning them in my head today....Because I am crazy. No really I have major trust and anxiety issues that go back 12 or more years. I used to be a very trusting person. But then I realized I didn't really have anyone to trust except my small little family. I love them, but sometimes that just hasn't been enough.....I really do love the friends I have right now. They are amazing and I hate that I put these past experiences on them far to often.