it would have be so easy...

It would have been so easy if I had not cared so much. If I had not loved so much. If I had not placed so much of my life into it. But I had. I had made my whole life revolve around our plan, and what we were going to do. But I thought I was happy, I thought I had it all figured out. I was going to be your wife. You were going to be a doctor, and we were going to be missonaries...together...in a far away land. But that all changed. You told me one night that you didn't want to make me wait on you to finish school...But I thought that had been my choice. You didn't make me move to my parents. You said you knew that I wanted to be married and that you didn't want to hold me back from that...Ha like getting over you enough to ever love someone enough to marry them would take any less time than it would for you to get out of Med school. So far it has been two years. I still miss you....today is your Birthday. All I want to do is text you and tell you Happy Birthday. Because you were my best friend. But I can't I don't even have your phone number anymore. And you have a girlfriend. I know it is ironic isn't it. The one who didn't want to be in a relationship is in a a relaitonship and the one who wanted a relationship is alone. Yes I have dated and talked to other people since you, but no of those even come close to the connection we had. You could tell what I was about to say over the phone before I said it. I still find it hard to believe that the reasons you gave me were the true reasons you left me. It is even harder to believe them now. I think that is way this has been so hard to get over. Because all of sudden without any warning there she was. It shattered what was left of my heart. I don't know were all the pieces went. I can't find them. I have tried to but them back together and see if someone else would like to try to love it. But they can't, it is to broken, to sharp, it cuts them it they touch it. It wounds them to hold it. So I must start filing away the rough edges. The places you left me bitter and angry. The places that don't want to trust again. Those are the things I need to work on. Then maybe this heart of mine can be held again.