really....really.....

first and foremost I want to say that I am totally happy for all my friends who recently got engaged or married....

BUT as a single gal seeing about 10-20 different people facebook status change to "Married" or "Engaged" does not make me feel that great about myself.....I know that my worth is not in weather or not I am in a relationship my worth is in heaven and Christ defines me not weather or not some guy wants to date me....but when you where as close to marriage as I was and then to have it plastered to facebook that everyone else in the world has what you want more than anything else it is hard.

I have a very strong desire to be a wife and be a mommy....I want to make dinner for someone and watch netflicks with them, and that someone be a dude not my roommate who is in fact amazing but as much as we enjoy being each other roommates I am 200% sure that we both would rather have husbands to do those things with! (nothing against you Britt)

But as much as I desire to have a husband I do not want to settle, I know if just said the word there is someone who would buy me that big fat diamond and marry me but I would not be happy with that life because I would have nothing to talk about with that man....so what do I want in a husband well since you ask:

I want someone who encourage me to grow deeper in my Faith, someone I can talk about theology with, someone who wants to be a dad as much as I want to be a mom, someone who wants to adopt one day, someone who has a job, someone who make me laugh, someone thinks I am beautiful, someone I think is handsome, someone who enjoys books and music as much as I do, someone who will rub my feet after a hard day at work.....

I know these are random and all but that is my heart so there.....

ash

MY 20th POST!

I know it is sad that I have had a Blog for OVER a year and this is only my 20th post...but in my defense my mom told me "If you don't have something nice to say don't say it at all"...that being said I haven't had much to report BECAUSE......

I WORK ALL THE TIME!!! and when I am not working they call me into work...which is Good money wise....the way my knees and back feel about it though is not so great!

I got to spend time with my sweet nephews twice this week! which is a record I got to see my sister and bro-in-law too of course. CASH is so verbal now he talks all the time it so cute, and that smile oh my word it is to die for! Watch out ladies Cash Money is coming! Tripp is in the crazy kid phase....he is still cute to me but that is because I am biased and love him....He has some crazy crazy moments though! He is so much like my sister in the way he DOES NOT like change it completely messes with his 4 year old mind...OMG he is 4 this time next year he will be going to Kindergarten and Cash will be 2 and half and Baby #3 will be here!

I have learned one thing this past year if nothing else what you thought would happen won't and what you least expect will and to never count your chickens before they hatch because the Lord my not have those chickens in his plan for you!

just a thought

ash

I just want to forget

Some moments, some seasons, some mistakes that I have made in my life I would rather just forget. It seems that it would be easier if I could just forget the things in my life that hurt me most. That left those scars...that brought so many tears. When I was my pillowcases and can see the tear stains on the pillow it reminds me again of the hurt. So many nights crying myself to sleep. After last fall I wasn't sure if I had any tears left. It felt at times that I could not possible have any left....they did stop coming out for awhile even though the pain and the sadness where still there...I was starting to go grow numb. I didn't even care. Then I came here back to this place and their was a little sun in my life. Today is an overcast day though it is not like before I can make it to the other side without losing anymore tears but I still feel alone....
Ash

Ramen....

So early today...(well I guess yesterday now) I was eating a bowl of Ramen noodles. I had fancied them up with soy sauce and extra seasoning and I was eating them in my big girl apartment with my chopsticks that I bought in Vancouver....But they brought me back to a place where I first had Ramen noodles at my Granny Mc's house. It was September and my parents had gone to North Carolina for a conference. Audrea and I where staying with my grandparents at this time they lived in the old house, the house my Dad grew up in next door to the Grocery store/gas station they ran up until the year I was born. It was at that time being used as a Antique store. But all of that is completely besides the point. Anyways back to Ramen, one night my Granny was tired and didn't feel like making a huge dinner which was totally acceptable for a women who was a Cancer survivor and a diabetic this being before her cancer came back. So since she was tired she served my sister and I Ramen noodles. and We feel in in love with Ramen noodles. From that day on my grandmother made sure there where always ramen noodles at her house because we liked them...this food item along with Mt. Dew, Diet Coke, Potted Meat, and Various types of Little Debbie Cakes could always be found at my grandparents house just in case the grandkids might drop by and might be hungry. It is one of my precious memories of my grandparents. I miss my Granny I know she is in Heaven and one day I will get to worship our Lord with her forever. I am sad I don't get to visit my Papaw as much as I would like, He is very wise and terribly honest these days. I hope to get to visit with him soon. I was blessed to have such Godly Grandparents. I don't think with them my family would be the family it is today. Much prayer has been prayed for each of us. My Grandmother gave each of her children to Lord and it is evident in their lives and the lives of their children. So yeah a bowl a ramen can mean a lot when you take time to think over the little things in life